I just figured out why I'm completely exhausted.

So, it's four thirty in the morning. And I'm still awake. See, you're thinking, "Why isn't she asleep? She can't possibly have something to do at four thirty in the morning." Well. You're right. I don't. All I do at four o'clock in the morning is play Neopets for hours, and see how many Neopoints I can get in the next six hours. Has it ever happened to you where you go online just to check your Facebook, and the next thing you know, you've been on Wikipedia, IMDB, Wordpress, Blogspot, Youtube, Facebook, and perhaps even Neopets if I'm not alone on that one, (I think I am, though) for around seven hours? Yeah, well, it happens to me. Every night.
A normal night on the internet looks something like this for me.

1. Check blog. - 10 minutes
a) Look at poll.
b) Look for comments.
c) Read-over posts.

2. Nexopia. - 3 minutes
a) Check messages. Empty.
b) Read new friend's blog entries. Three in total.

3. Facebook. - 30 minutes
a) Look at people online on Facebook chat.
b) Check inbox.
c) Check Honesty Box.
d) Check updates.

4. Twitter - 15 minutes
a) Update.
b) Read @the_bushman's +1000000 tweets.
c) Update about the_bushman's tweets.
d) Accept new followers.
e) Search #yzf for new people to follow.

5. NWT Blogs. - 60 minutes
a) Check Amy's blog.
b) Check Megan's blog.
c) Check Natalie's blog.
d) Check Jason's blog.
e) Check YK online.
*Twitter Update* - 2 minutes

6. Slap Upside The Head - 25 minutes
a) Cry if Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, or Sunday.
b) Read if Monday, Wednesday or Friday.
c) Read Guestbook.
d) Read archive.
*Twitter Update* - 2 minutes

7. F*** My Life - 60 minutes
a) Read.
b) Laugh.
c) Read.
d) Laugh.

8. Play Neopets. - 120 minutes
a) Check frealityy account.
b) Check shop.
c) Check stocks.
d) Play games.
*Twitter Update* - 2 minutes
e) Check papertoybox29 account.
f) Check shop.
g) Check stocks.
h) Play games.
*Twitter Update* - 2 minutes
9. Facebook. - 30 minutes
a) Facebook chat.
b) Look at pictures.

10. Blog. - 30 minutes
a) Check poll.
b) Think.
c) Think.
d) Post.
e) Be awesome.
*Twitter Update* - 2 minutes

11. Zero Out of Five - 30 minutes
a) LOL.
b) LOL.

12. Photoshop Elements 7.0 - 30 minutes
a) Find texture.
b) Find LOLtastic photo of me.
c) LOL.
d) Write.
e) Post.

13. Twitter - 30 minutes
a) Read @frealityy's.
b) Update.
c) Update.
d) Update.

14. Wordpress. - 7 minutes
a) Get frustrated.
b) Try.
c) Give up.
*Twitter Update* - 5 minutes

Know what the total is there? Almost eight hours. EIGHT. God. I'm pathetic. I can't believe I just took the time out to tell you that. I'm really sorry. I'm so tired, I can barely even think right now. I'm trying to go to sleep, but I can't.
It almost feels like no use, y'know? I mean, I'm waking up in three hours anyways. Why not just stay up? But then, I remember, I have to work tomorrow.
FML.

So, it seems:

According to my recent blog post, my nickname should either be Badass Jax, or frealityy. Personally, I enjoy sticking with frealityy, but that's just me. It reminds me of my childhood, and of my lovely friends who know me by that name. My childhood was always filled with days on Nexopia, and blog posts about how much I like a certain somebody. It filled my days with smiles, and LOLs, and sharing of hilarious quotes that had been said between friends. There are so many friends who still call me frealityy to this day. One of whom includes my good ol' friend who just happens to be one of my bosses as well. He seems to mock people using their names as ammo, and it just so happens that whenever Jacqueline does something powerful, or sometimes even, pathetic, you can hear him mutter: "Frealityy". If there was a picture of how he said it, you'd most likely see smoke around the lettering, with the last few letters disappearing onto the page.
The point here is, is that no matter what you call me, it will mean something special in the end. If it's something rude, then it will mean that you're being rude, and that you should quit talking all together. And if you ask me? That's special enough. If it's something nice, however, it will forever remind me of the friendship we've shared.
If you can't think of a name to call me, you can call me Awesome.
That's just fine.

Lucky

You know those times in a person's life, where everything just feels right? I mean, hey, I'm not lucky enough to be feeling like that, but I almost see it coming. It's really nice. I'm not sure what is coming, and how it's going to get here, but I can just feel it. It's almost like everything is completely getting better. I'm leaving town for a bit, and I'm going to learn something new. There's only one more year until high school's done, and I really feel like I'm in the right place with all my friends and stuff. I'm meeting tons of new people really quickly, and all of them seem to love me. (Which, let's face it, makes sense.)
Even though I'm saying all this, stuff keeps going wrong, but the great thing about all of it is that something might go wrong, but then something will go right as soon as it possibly can. Which is amazing in so many ways. For instance, this girl I really had feelings for, like, really bad, well, stuff didn't really turn out the way I wanted to. But even though that happened, I made all of these friendships that are making me happier than any relationship I could ever have.
It's odd, I think. How even the bad turns into the good? I've never really realized how lucky I am.

I'm scared now.

I'm really scared of how my blog will be taken. I mean, I don't want people to think that my views, or opinions are offensive in any way, because that's now how I mean them at all. I want everybody to realize that my blog, is mine. It's my opinions, and my ideas, and my feelings. It's not what I want. I don't want people to tell me that they're upset with something I've said, or are hurt with something I've written. I'm all up for hearing that, but it's not something I'm intending to do.
My blog, is like a diary, that I have just allowed people to look at it. It's something for me, but something that I'm okay with other people to look at. It's really trust that I'm giving my readers. I'm trusting them with my life. I'm trusting that they'll understand it, and try to be okay with it. Everything I say is mine, and nobody else's. It's not my parents, it's not my coworkers, it's not my friends, it's just me.
By putting this all on the interwebs for everybody to look at, I'm trusting you. And I think that's beautiful. I just don't want anybody abusing that trust. It's a gift I'm giving to you. I'm allowing you to feel my feelings, and know my opinions. That's something that not everybody is willing to give.

All I ask from you, is that you know that I'd never say anything to purposefully hurt you. And I thank all of you for ever worrying about me, but you really don't need to, because I'm okay. As long as I have my blog, I'm okay. So, please, don't make me feel like I need to take that away.

More internet, less ANGRY

I noticed that my "I hate life" posts haven't been increasing nearly as fast as they used to. I'm not sure why this is, although, I'm almost definite that it's because I've started blogging more, and spending less time with people who stress me out. That's odd though, because I only ever spend time with my BFF and my family. Maybe they stress me out?
Or perhaps, I tell myself, it's because I'm spending more time with a certain someone who seems to have the ability of making me happier. Not only is she ridiculously beautiful, but being friends with her has made me 100 times less likely to want to punch a hole in the wall every time I hear my Career and Life Management teacher talk.
Perhaps all this blogging really is the answer to my prayers, and spending time on Twitter (@frealityy btw) is really actually productive in the way that it makes me less likely to commit murder of my CALM teacher (mentioned previously). Man, it seems like I mention that guy way too much. I think he deserves his own post, although, I'd hate to really insult him, considering he's probably a decent guy even if I hate the way he teaches.

My BFFx2

I let everybody know the other day, that I'd post a little about my best friend. I think she'd be really excited that I was doing this. You know those people that you've known for practically your whole life? She's one of those. I barely know what to do when I'm without her. We're constantly out and about with our crazy shenanigans impressing everybody with our non-stop awesomeness. We've done some pretty cool stuff over the years.
Like our good ol' videos, JAC-ATTACK, which we made with our mutual BFF. These basically entailed me attacking her in situations that she didn't see them coming. We only made three of them. One of them, I attacked her, and then, ended up hurting my hand. Another, in the midst of math class, she was doing her work at her desk, and I ended up attacking her, thus pushing her off of her chair. And, the third, I attempted to attack her in the hallway, but she ended up pushing me down. These were just parts of our crazy shenanigans I mentioned earlier.
We've also taken part in some pretty odd conversations:

BFF: One time, I had to buy a whole new pack of markers because my pink one went missing.
Jacqueline: Wouldn't it be cool if it was a whole pack of different shades of pink?
BFF: YEAH!
Jacqueline: And they were shaped like unicorns!
BFF: YEAH!
Jacqueline: I was kidding.
BFF: Oh. ... ... But okay, that'd be cute!

That just explains a little bit about her. Her likes include: pink, unicorns, puppies, castles, and princesses. She's basically a four year-old in a sixteen year-old's body. Know what's probably the best part about all this?

She listens to gangster rap. And likes it.

My BFF.

I've decided to let everybody know a little bit about my BFF. She's pretty lame. HA! No. I'm kidding, but she's sitting beside me in chemistry, so she's probably reading what I'm writing. So, I can't actually do it right now, because if I'm brutally honest, she'll get mad.

Now. I know she's reading. Because I just heard her laugh/cry when I wrote "brutally honest, she'll get mad." So. I'll let you guys know later.

Things I wish I had

Earlier, as I was tweeting with @TaylorCheese, I mentioned that I was jealous that he had an alliteration name. For those who don't know, an alliteration is when there are consecutive words that start with the same letter & sound, like, for example: Taylor Thomas. Well, imagine my surprise when I realize that there are many things in life, other than an alliteration name, that I don't have, but want:

1. a sweet nickname
Seriously. This is bullshit. I don't have any cool nicknames. The only nicknames I've ever really had before are Jackson, and Jac-attack. And very few people ever call me Jac-attack. I want something gangsta, that makes people think that I'm like, a gang-fighter or something. You know. Like, I want people to hear it and be like, "Ouhhh. *insert Jacqueline's sweet nickname here*. I don't want to say anything bad about her. She could kick my butt." That, my friend, would be fricken' sweet.

2. a little brother
I want a little brother. It sucks being the youngest kid in the family. I get everything last, and my parents are so scared that I'm not going to be as good as my sister, so they like, super-don't-allow-me-to-do-cool-things. I want a little brother, so I can teach him how to pick up chicks, and dress all sweet. I want to be around all of his friends, and tell them not to be stupid and rude. My little brother would be so fricken' badass. (Excuse my language.) Every chick in his class would want down his pants. Unless of course, he was gay. Which would be even cooler, 'cause let's face it. Gay people are way cooler than straight people.

3. an awesome scar
You know when you see some kid walking down the street, and you can just tell that he has a sweet scar somewhere? Yeah. Well, I've heard that I send out that vibe quite regularly, but I don't have a scar, and I hate the fact that I'm letting all these people down. It's just plain rude, if you ask me. Personally, I think that I should have a scar. From a bar-fight, or something. Even though I'm not able to get into bars, that's probably what I'd say if somebody asked me where I got my sweet scar. I'd say, "I got shanked. At a bar. During a fight. At a bar. It was sweet. And at a bar." I think it'd be important that I stress that it would be at a bar. A really sketchy bar. Just so I sound even more badass.

P.S. I'M SORRY FOR ALL THE TERRIBLE LANGUAGE. I feel like it's necessary to get the point across how cool I'd be if I had all that stuff.

Parents

I read something tonight. I'm not going to say what, because it involves some people who I know, may read my blog. It's not bad, I'd just rather not discuss it over the interwebs. For some reason, I'm scared that if a certain somebody found out who my parents were, they wouldn't like me for some particular reason. But see, this is stupid because I get the vibe from this person that they would never dislike somebody based on something like that. Honestly, it's like, my parents were against something that was being done by this person, and I was like, 95% against it as well, probably just the concept of monkey-see, monkey-do. I'm not calling myself a monkey, however. But anyways, now that I've read this thing that I read tonight. I'm like, 10% against it. Probably not even. Like, a part of me is completely neutral on the whole thing.
Perhaps I'm more scared of my parents telling me not to spend any time, or talk to this person at all. I think that's more likely. And although my parents would never, ever do something like that, it's still a fear I have. Sort of like how a person is scared of a giant spider eating them whole, even though they know that that would never happen. But there's still a chance. I don't know. That metaphor was bad. But whatever, I'm a teenager. God. I'm probably just being melodramatic.
Point is, I realized how much my opinion can change just by creating a personal relationship with the opponent, without realizing who the opponent is.
I thank God for things like this.

Sometimes, posting is all I have.

Emo! Right? Not exactly. See, days go by without me posting, and that just kills me, because if I do have any readers, and they are looking forward to me posting, perhaps similar to how I look forward to Frank posting on his PostSecret, then, I've just let them down. And not only that, but I post for myself, y'know? Like, if I'm having a bad day, I'll write for myself. And if I'm having a good day, I'll write for myself. It has nothing to do with what I think will help people, or how I want to make a difference in the world. It's solely for me. And I hope that other people realize that, and don't try to destroy the interweb with shitblogs they hate, but think that other people like.
Truth is, I post everyday. Perhaps not here, but somewhere. I have a total of five blogs. Two of them are known publicly. One of them is known with a short list of friends, perhaps if you get close enough, I'll show you the URL. One of them is long forgotten. And one of them, is known by nobody. At least, nobody I've told. Perhaps you've stumbled along it, and been interested. Good luck finding it, because if you do, you'll learn quite a few of my secrets.
Posting doesn't only help me express myself, but it gives me something to look back on, after I've had a bad day. I'll blog about it, and a month later, I look back on it and think that maybe I shouldn't have done what I had. All of this posting nonsense isn't for anybody but me. And I hope that while you read my posts, you keep in mind of that when, and if you don't agree with something I've written. My posts, they aren't for you. They're for me.